A Broken Heart

My heart is breaking today! We received some disappointing news. I got an e-mail from CHSFS (our Ecuador adoption agency) and it was not the news we wanted to hear. The e-mail informed us that they have observed that families are experiencing a longer than anticipated wait for a referral. There have also been recent changes in staffing at the Central Authority in Ecuador and changes in adoption officials in several regions throughout the country. They are not able to specifically predict how these changes will impact the adoption process, but they are anticipating a slower process during the transition. Due to all this, CHSFS is adjusting the estimated referral timeline. They now are estimating the wait for a referral to be approximately 1-3 years after the dossier submission ( it was 3-18 months). They are encouraging families to explore the possibility of dual-listing with another international or domestic program. Through dual-listing, families are able to pursue a single adoption while waiting in two different international programs for information about a child in need of permanency. When the family receive placement of a child through one program, their application in the second program is automatically withdrawn.
Reading this e-mail brought tears to my eyes. I could feel my heart breaking in my chest. Even as I write this post, I feel my chest tighten and its hard to breath. We knew when we decided to adopt that the adoption process is unpredictable at best. I knew that with my type A, control freak personality the waiting period would be extremely difficult. But to wait THREE MORE YEARS! I just don't think I can do it. I know I should try to stay positive. I know I should have faith and trust in God. I know that God has a special plan for us. I just wish it was a little easier. I wish God would share his plan with us.
I don't know exactly what we will do. Just wait it out. Dual-list with another country. Dual-list domestically. We have a lot to talk about. A lot of questions to ask people. Could we even financially afford to dual-list?

Just when I thought we should be getting closer...